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NOT FINDING RELIGION.

There is a mysticism to the person with an atheistic urge who rejects what they desire. 

The journey inward is the necessary distraction from the binding of our egoistic Isaac or that which pertains to what proceeds from our natural abilities ‘ability’ to grow in natural virtue,  to eschew what is evil and to hold to that which can reasonably be ascertained as ‘best’.

This journey is no less a journey than a trip for business; it is the most important business trip..especially if business trips were tripped up in the making. 

We see in our world many themes of religious people that miss the mark of the depths of mysticism erego unity with God in a true relationship of love, the exclamation point of religion done correctly is true mysticism and shared experience of the love from, for and towards God.

One might be tempted to say in heaven there will not be Religion as we undertake to understand it. Religion will give way to a greater R word..namely ‘Reality’.

Divine Reality is the true object of True Religion. Mere moralism is not this. Passion alone is not this Love even yet. 

Divine Reality transcends dualisms and the struggles humanity has with them while also embracing our struggles within them and offering the balm of love and succor in our varied myriad weaknesses. 

We really are all accepted more deeply than we can understand and that beyond our hatred, our bigotries, our perceived better or worseness.

May God help us expand our table and our minds by narrowing our hearts on the Expansive Force that contains all. May we find Him now. 

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ESCAPING THE SHAME DUNIGEON.

I don’t know about you but sometimes the only way to escape shame is to visit it’s familiar haunts.

Familiarity breeds contempt and so also shame needs for its breeding the familiar dens of sin.

However tonight, I recognized what Julian of Norwich meant when she said “Sin is necessary but in the end all will be well.”

Now of course a Christian saint like Julian probably would never mean ‘go get your jollies..it doesn’t matter’.

Or scripturally, “Should we sin so that grace may abound? By no means..”

However and to paraphrase, where there was evil; good abounded all the more.

Sometimes, blessedly however, light is more permeable than the darkness.

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Brazil Nut Vegan Cheez Pleez.

I had an impromptu vegan breakfast inspiration this morning.

Mind you I cannot claim the title vegan for my dietary life but I do like to eat vegan food often and make fruit and veggies a more prominent part of my life.

This morning I was really wanting some fresh raw veggies so I pulled out the mortar and pestel and got inspired.

I started with some raw Brazil nuts (a fair handfull).

First I made sure to crush them very fine only leaving little chunks here and there as desired for texture but you can chop as fine as you like.

What I really like about nut dips is how crushing the nuts potentiates the oils inside of them. They mix very well once they are well crushed with whatever you may desire to mix them.

Moving on; After the Brazil Nuts were well chopped and ground in the mortar and pestel I added 3 cloves of garlic (mind you all of this preparation takes place in the mortar and pestel) . Pound in the garlic gloves to the desired texture. I like making most of the garlic cloves disappear into the mix and leaving a few surprise chunkier pieces to grace some surprise bites here and there. I’m a chunky guy after all 🙂 .

Next add in yellow or orange bell pepper well tore, just about enough to fill the middle of the palm of your hand. I try to crush the bell pepper to the point that most of its juices permeate the entirety of the dip and there are not very many chunks left visibly in the dip. I also made sure to litely stir as I crushed the bell pepper till it seemed to disappear into the dip. Last but not least I take a little bit of fresh cilantro rip it a few times, crush well and mix diligently into the #brazilnutcheezpleez and then once done pepper the dip to taste.

I was going to grab some Ritz Crackers to eat my Brazil Nut Cheez Pleez but found the Blue Diamond Almond Nut Thins to be perfectly crunchy and sufficiently firm to dip easily in this dense, chunky and ‘hearty’ dip.

This dip can be served as an appetizer, enjoyed as a snack by itself, or used to grace your charcuterie board with extra flavor. No matter what it is sure to be a protein full, flavorful hit at a party, small gathering of friends or whatever the occasion!

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I almost changed my Name.

It was the year 2012. One of those many years that was expected to be the end times.

In that time I was going through a time that I will call a marked period of deep spiritual renewal and personal growth.

Through various periods of deep effective spritual experiences I had the thought to change my name.

I did this based off of the biblical tradition of God changing someones name after a time of important personal change.

The first thing I did was I started personally relating towards using my Saints name. Who is my patron saint you might ask?

My patron saint is Adam… the one who screwed everything up. He was also the first to return to God and offer sacrifice in covenant. He also for a good while walked around naked in a Garden and ate a bunch of delicious veggies and fruits while talking to animals. Might sound like a trip to Vegas for many but however you slice it “win win”.

I always loved the primitivity inherent in imagining existing like Adam.

The closeness to the source..the awareness of my dustness. I am not a self made man. I am a ‘God made’ man.

That was the humility I wanted to embody in my life. Would to God I could have more of that.

As time went by more name change thoughts came to the fore. I felt like more than ever I was learning what it meant to be a man ‘as me’. I was returning and I was ‘becoming’. I was even what I was becoming.

In the Bible Jacob was “the supplanter” one who took anothers place; if but by ‘sacred trickery’ by trickery no less. However in time Jacob ‘Yakov’ would be supplanted by an even higher destiny..to be Israel “He who contendeth with God and wins.”

James is a transliteration of Yakov in English. As James somewhere I felt a deep sense that in many ways I had a leprechauns luck but always at a hip jarring price. I may march into heaven but always with limping gate about me. I still to this day feel like Israel D. Adam Broxson, one who has struggled manfully with God and won the prize of God, an apostle who conserves energy by not wasting it, knowing I am but mankind made of the red clay; for I am the one who dwells by the rivers of running ‘living’ water who bears his fruit in due season as I dwell by the brook.

I may have not changed my name at the Marshall North Carolina Courthouse like I almost tried to do many years ago but that name still lives within me like an identity. Who knows maybe it will become my penname so it keeps a more religious than civil signifigance? All I know it that a rose by any other name is not always just as sweet. Sometimes who we are inside evolves and how it reflects outside does as well. I am a new man, a grown seed changing. I am happy to be..even “who I am becoming.”

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depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion music Poetry Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

Sometimes {Poem freeversed}

Sometimes poetry is the only thing that can get out what’s inside of me.

The knotwork knowledge grease to unconstipate for dam release.

What in damnation? Too much information..

The reasonable rationed sensation of the man of a micro nation. Set apart..

How great that ART. 🎨 Were we to do what we start by stating the finished point and reaching the saving arche.

Archetypes are boat rides that float tired note tides..we didn’t expect.

Redirect 404 error. No reason to despair her.. i mean she the soul within.

She’s a good soul and it’s a rude goal to to too hard to ‘control’ the process.

The process is science and science progressed science which is good knowledge to have for hindsight trust reliance..

To know who we became is to lock to a become. A faith but in faith.

A beat to hearts drum.

Ride on.

Friar Tech Deck.

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depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Poetry Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

Written { A Poem}

That which is writ worked on heart not on stone.

A work written by acts of life not mere wordsmith hewn.

Not proverbs for proverbs sake, wise-signaling much.

A crescendo of newness a newness as such.

To make new the old man.

Treasures old and new.

A Christ child, a married monk a cell made for ‘2’.

Into your cell go and learn what’s without.

By going within learn outside without doubt.

A Trinity, Duopoly, a unity monopoly.

What a terrible atrocity when we all do own everything.

I’m a Monk to be married a husband as Monk.

I’m a classical heir of medieval funk.

I’m a Theological DJ ..Dilloneous Monk.

An Ubermensch Scrap man with Junk in the Trunk.

An Ubermensch Every man Dandying Uptown Funk.

I’m busting it downtown.

I’m grinding at Cornerstones doing nothing a round clown.

A fool not a tool depending whose in the shed.

Negative opinions don’t touch me. Spirit men arrready dead.

I’m hooked to the sojourning wayfaring life.

A metaphysical pirate awayed from life’s strife.

My diction and phonics is One Word all do Know. It’s not fiction though subtle reality owned.

I’m stick stuck on moving thus staying in place. I’m paradox left, right and center unslaved.

Liberated by serving reality et all. En masse the masses together we fall.

I’m taking wearing my wardrobe too seriously. I’m a suit now. #rocketpower !
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depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Poetry Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

I’m not Good at Blogging.

Imagine deep within your soul you want to give gifts to the world..but then life happens and you get tired.

Imagine having the passion of a Content Creator but not knowing how to put your thoughts into words.

What am I protecting? Is this modesty.. its own form of honesty?

In order to be a popular platform poster you need to “post every day” or at least a few times a week.

Ah

That might not work then.

Where is the passion I’m looking for? Where is the spirituality I once had or the zeal for living life as if this life is a rare commodity?

How do I take life for granted so much? How do I lounge in carefree boredom narcolepsy or not? Am I pregaming my midlife crises, getting ready for it, double fisting it?

Seems like a me thing to schedule such a thing rather than to be surprised by it.

Well why on earth am I surprised that there’s no element of surprise when I feel like I already know what the book of my life is about..like God and I deliberated and threw the book at me?

Sometimes I feel like I have some crystal ball or a blueprint to my life in my subconscious mind. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want the left hand to know what the right hand is doing. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of watching my movie from the outside.

Life and the enjoyment of life seems rather to be that the eyes and the ears and the nose would hear, see and smell what is here or at least whatever senses we have available to us. So strange that even Spiritual Doctors have remarked on sense “All knowledge comes through the senses.” Good job St. Thomas Aquinas for being like the Doubting apostle in your search for faith. I feel that heartily.

So there is that darkness in the soul of understanding (nous) to wit my life gives reference that I keep remembering that I don’t know and I do know. Part of me know my spirit though living in my body and not separate has separate agencies, faculties and ‘abilities’. I find it hard to be a gnostic because I’m an earthen vessel and yet though trying not to be “too heavenly minded to be of any earthly good” I find myself trapped between worlds, like a ghost with a preternatural stain on the ink blot tests of the collective unconscious of this age.

In my heart I watch kingdoms rise and fall revolutions turn and the sun set many a year. The ages of time acquiesce to an Apocalyptic dance that never seems to end. All of this is beautiful and is a verdict to my and the worlds mortality. I hope that I can learn lessons of this knowing that “the spirit gives life and the flesh is of no avail.” so that perhaps life can come to my dry bones again.

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Getting stuff Done as a Narcoleptic.

As long as it’s been since I’ve made a blog post it seems appropriate to title my post as I have! I’m sure many people have questions about narcolepsy and how it affects my life; or how I get things done in spite of my narcolepsy.

In my life it seems that I’ve had to rely more on technology in my daily life to fill in those times when energy isn’t optimum. That is not however to say that I don’t ‘like’ to work physically.

There are definitely plenty of things I love doing physical work wise but I definitely do better at things I’m particularly interested in (perhaps a ‘spectrumy’ thing idk?).

Around the age of 12-13 when dial up internet was first showing up and AOL cd roms were coming in the mail where I was living it opened up a desire to learn how to make money on the internet as well as general desires for self employment so I could work in a more stress free personalized manner.

I have seen it all. Basically growing up on the generation that saw the first booms of the internet from second hand commodity to near absolute necessity I have been obsessed from my undiagnosed narcoleptic, sleep-apnea, insomnia and all around neurodivergent teenage years on how the internet could help my quality of life.

The internet taught me social skills I could use in person. It gave me a filtering mechanism whereby I could learn how to better think before I speak (so as to be better understood not necessarily to mask my neurodivergent nature).

Over the years the internet helped me gain some modicum of financial betterment.

Most of my early music business was conducted through MySpace and Facebook and found myself having many business communications online to get me gigs and side jobs. I learned legitimate survey sites that I could make cash back and earn on offers. I was accepted as an agent for the US Monitor. Eventually I started to get into Ebay and various other auction sites for sales as well.

As a treated and diagnosed narcoleptic my quality of life is much better these days than it used to be but there are definitely still challenges and I’m not getting any younger.

If you’d like a deeper look at how I’m keeping-things-a-going feel free to browse around this site. I’m definitely planning on trying to work harder and update it more and with some prodding could do even better. Feel free also to check out my linktree to see more things I’m doing and money making referral, side work/ cash back opportunities.

https://linktr.ee/Dillbro7

P.S. If you appreciate my content and would like to see more CashApp donations are greatly appreciated and can help me devote more time to my blogging craft! Stay Tuned!

https://cash.app/$CapNkRoNcH

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depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

Therapy isn’t “Following the Money”.

I’m nervous as all get out tonight and I don’t really know why but I can say for sure that part of it is exemplified in how long it has taken me to make another blog post.

Cohesive senses of identity are difficult for neurodivergents like myself who have goldfish level attention to the present unless the deepseated passion quota within is met.

As a father and a husband I find myself struggling between the pragmatic mercantilism of St. Francis of Assisis father and the universal trustful love of St. Francis as if there were no way to balance the two.

I’m torn; comparing myself to the subjective standard of success I see in others and my fear of not measuring up to the imaginary ‘standard’.. all the while fearing the giving up of better heavenly real estate, my truest goal because I could only ever justify being a capitalist in the kingdom of heaven because I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work very well for human nature down here on planet earth.

And yet somewhere deep inside my conflict (deep conflict) is that I of assurety believe in balance and yet I desire for the extremes of childlike trust in God and radical trust in His free miraculous work through His creation like I knew in my youth.

What do I need to become not only who I used to be but the next chapter of me?

Am I perhaps meant to be both? Sometimes a turned page is merely the front and back of one turned page.

I’m convinced I’m too young for a midlife crises but perhaps I’m early! If I die before I’m old perhaps I’ll have the luxury to live before I’m dead.

As a guy I knew once said.. “I don’t know what I’m doing and so can you.”

Original clay and mixed digital media art by me: “Blood and Water”.

http://@dillbro7
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depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

Capitalism, Socialism and the Mockery of Currency.

We live in an interesting day and age.

In this current time and in contrast to long ago cynics excoriating each other for their personal ‘utopia’ of choice, ‘dystopia’ seems to fall from the lips enough to be nearly cliche.

In our present age of mass political polarization, paranoia and ignorance of the leprous ‘other’ we have gated our walls and shut our minds.. only venturing out for serious business.

Of course much of this is justified. Stupidity has run amok and no boogeyman doesn’t reside under rocks unturned. We can’t be too careful and thus so we are..to preserve whatever little vestige of stable world-to-self awareness the social zeitgeist challenges in the everyday existences of us all.

Even so.. even so, when some of the worlds richest men during global pandemics fly gleefully to space while many regular folks can’t even make their car payments on time to make it to their self same Amazon jobs it seems to drive home the megalomaniacal nature of late stage economic dystopian billionaires.

Feeling like ants working for the magnifying glass kid all the while hearing the gamut of superiority speeches from one’s own Job’s mourners.

“How dare you question what made you thus as if He made you not?”

All the while we pray on our rosary beads “There is no capital without labor and there be no labor without capital. “

Providing jobs? With income inequality its more like providing “Job’s”.

The common folks arguing all the while about what economic system is superior and doting trifles about backing up currency with gold, or corn or silver all whilst Elon Musk Tweets about the similar worthlessness of crypto to fiat currency.

People across the world striving for an illusion, megalomaniacal billionaires capitalizing off of it and beaurocracies never able to meet a need on time.. all based off of the same illusion.

It is a strange and sinister evil to laugh about an illusory system you capitalize from while the same illusion kills others.

If currency was born after tribal epidemics as a fitting alternative to handshakes perhaps as the pandemic finally fizzles humanity must learn to shake hands once again.