Categories
depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion music Poetry Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

Sometimes {Poem freeversed}

Sometimes poetry is the only thing that can get out what’s inside of me.

The knotwork knowledge grease to unconstipate for dam release.

What in damnation? Too much information..

The reasonable rationed sensation of the man of a micro nation. Set apart..

How great that ART. 🎨 Were we to do what we start by stating the finished point and reaching the saving arche.

Archetypes are boat rides that float tired note tides..we didn’t expect.

Redirect 404 error. No reason to despair her.. i mean she the soul within.

She’s a good soul and it’s a rude goal to to too hard to ‘control’ the process.

The process is science and science progressed science which is good knowledge to have for hindsight trust reliance..

To know who we became is to lock to a become. A faith but in faith.

A beat to hearts drum.

Ride on.

Friar Tech Deck.

Categories
depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Poetry Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

Written { A Poem}

That which is writ worked on heart not on stone.

A work written by acts of life not mere wordsmith hewn.

Not proverbs for proverbs sake, wise-signaling much.

A crescendo of newness a newness as such.

To make new the old man.

Treasures old and new.

A Christ child, a married monk a cell made for ‘2’.

Into your cell go and learn what’s without.

By going within learn outside without doubt.

A Trinity, Duopoly, a unity monopoly.

What a terrible atrocity when we all do own everything.

I’m a Monk to be married a husband as Monk.

I’m a classical heir of medieval funk.

I’m a Theological DJ ..Dilloneous Monk.

An Ubermensch Scrap man with Junk in the Trunk.

An Ubermensch Every man Dandying Uptown Funk.

I’m busting it downtown.

I’m grinding at Cornerstones doing nothing a round clown.

A fool not a tool depending whose in the shed.

Negative opinions don’t touch me. Spirit men arrready dead.

I’m hooked to the sojourning wayfaring life.

A metaphysical pirate awayed from life’s strife.

My diction and phonics is One Word all do Know. It’s not fiction though subtle reality owned.

I’m stick stuck on moving thus staying in place. I’m paradox left, right and center unslaved.

Liberated by serving reality et all. En masse the masses together we fall.

I’m taking wearing my wardrobe too seriously. I’m a suit now. #rocketpower !
Categories
Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living.

One day…(at a time) I’m going to learn to Love.

We live in a day and age with many different opinions and in a time where people don’t know what live and let live means.

Some might say it is because we have surrendered too much of our self government to the governing powers.

The Project Vehicle.

Others would say it begs the question the idea that the government would not ‘enshrine our values’.

For people like me the poles of secular and religious nationalism express perfectly why I don’t consider myself having reached my country. My kingdom ‘is’ not of this world.

There is a belonging without violence.

There is a city without nationalism.

There is an inclusivity with open diversity.

There is identity with cosmically aligned individuality.

There is a post post modernism that progresses and doesn’t destroy all ancient values.

The apex we stand on like a spinning globe is the interrelation of movement that is fixed and chaotic.

The social architects of the world may be called ‘they’ by some but to cool headed non conspiracists who are not afraid of the mechanics of the worlds infrastructure we merely call it a project vehicle.

Categories
depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Poetry Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

I’m not Good at Blogging.

Imagine deep within your soul you want to give gifts to the world..but then life happens and you get tired.

Imagine having the passion of a Content Creator but not knowing how to put your thoughts into words.

What am I protecting? Is this modesty.. its own form of honesty?

In order to be a popular platform poster you need to “post every day” or at least a few times a week.

Ah

That might not work then.

Where is the passion I’m looking for? Where is the spirituality I once had or the zeal for living life as if this life is a rare commodity?

How do I take life for granted so much? How do I lounge in carefree boredom narcolepsy or not? Am I pregaming my midlife crises, getting ready for it, double fisting it?

Seems like a me thing to schedule such a thing rather than to be surprised by it.

Well why on earth am I surprised that there’s no element of surprise when I feel like I already know what the book of my life is about..like God and I deliberated and threw the book at me?

Sometimes I feel like I have some crystal ball or a blueprint to my life in my subconscious mind. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want the left hand to know what the right hand is doing. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of watching my movie from the outside.

Life and the enjoyment of life seems rather to be that the eyes and the ears and the nose would hear, see and smell what is here or at least whatever senses we have available to us. So strange that even Spiritual Doctors have remarked on sense “All knowledge comes through the senses.” Good job St. Thomas Aquinas for being like the Doubting apostle in your search for faith. I feel that heartily.

So there is that darkness in the soul of understanding (nous) to wit my life gives reference that I keep remembering that I don’t know and I do know. Part of me know my spirit though living in my body and not separate has separate agencies, faculties and ‘abilities’. I find it hard to be a gnostic because I’m an earthen vessel and yet though trying not to be “too heavenly minded to be of any earthly good” I find myself trapped between worlds, like a ghost with a preternatural stain on the ink blot tests of the collective unconscious of this age.

In my heart I watch kingdoms rise and fall revolutions turn and the sun set many a year. The ages of time acquiesce to an Apocalyptic dance that never seems to end. All of this is beautiful and is a verdict to my and the worlds mortality. I hope that I can learn lessons of this knowing that “the spirit gives life and the flesh is of no avail.” so that perhaps life can come to my dry bones again.

Categories
depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Poetry Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living.

I don’t even Car.

Blanco.

Gringo.

Malibu.

Think yo.

Hesitant hearts and minds DON’T BLINK YO.

Listen to the hearts of your loved ones. It’s meditation.

Got our car back from some thieves. Nice feeling. Wife and I are relieved.
Categories
Uncategorized

Getting stuff Done as a Narcoleptic.

As long as it’s been since I’ve made a blog post it seems appropriate to title my post as I have! I’m sure many people have questions about narcolepsy and how it affects my life; or how I get things done in spite of my narcolepsy.

In my life it seems that I’ve had to rely more on technology in my daily life to fill in those times when energy isn’t optimum. That is not however to say that I don’t ‘like’ to work physically.

There are definitely plenty of things I love doing physical work wise but I definitely do better at things I’m particularly interested in (perhaps a ‘spectrumy’ thing idk?).

Around the age of 12-13 when dial up internet was first showing up and AOL cd roms were coming in the mail where I was living it opened up a desire to learn how to make money on the internet as well as general desires for self employment so I could work in a more stress free personalized manner.

I have seen it all. Basically growing up on the generation that saw the first booms of the internet from second hand commodity to near absolute necessity I have been obsessed from my undiagnosed narcoleptic, sleep-apnea, insomnia and all around neurodivergent teenage years on how the internet could help my quality of life.

The internet taught me social skills I could use in person. It gave me a filtering mechanism whereby I could learn how to better think before I speak (so as to be better understood not necessarily to mask my neurodivergent nature).

Over the years the internet helped me gain some modicum of financial betterment.

Most of my early music business was conducted through MySpace and Facebook and found myself having many business communications online to get me gigs and side jobs. I learned legitimate survey sites that I could make cash back and earn on offers. I was accepted as an agent for the US Monitor. Eventually I started to get into Ebay and various other auction sites for sales as well.

As a treated and diagnosed narcoleptic my quality of life is much better these days than it used to be but there are definitely still challenges and I’m not getting any younger.

If you’d like a deeper look at how I’m keeping-things-a-going feel free to browse around this site. I’m definitely planning on trying to work harder and update it more and with some prodding could do even better. Feel free also to check out my linktree to see more things I’m doing and money making referral, side work/ cash back opportunities.

https://linktr.ee/Dillbro7

P.S. If you appreciate my content and would like to see more CashApp donations are greatly appreciated and can help me devote more time to my blogging craft! Stay Tuned!

https://cash.app/$CapNkRoNcH

Categories
depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

Therapy isn’t “Following the Money”.

I’m nervous as all get out tonight and I don’t really know why but I can say for sure that part of it is exemplified in how long it has taken me to make another blog post.

Cohesive senses of identity are difficult for neurodivergents like myself who have goldfish level attention to the present unless the deepseated passion quota within is met.

As a father and a husband I find myself struggling between the pragmatic mercantilism of St. Francis of Assisis father and the universal trustful love of St. Francis as if there were no way to balance the two.

I’m torn; comparing myself to the subjective standard of success I see in others and my fear of not measuring up to the imaginary ‘standard’.. all the while fearing the giving up of better heavenly real estate, my truest goal because I could only ever justify being a capitalist in the kingdom of heaven because I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work very well for human nature down here on planet earth.

And yet somewhere deep inside my conflict (deep conflict) is that I of assurety believe in balance and yet I desire for the extremes of childlike trust in God and radical trust in His free miraculous work through His creation like I knew in my youth.

What do I need to become not only who I used to be but the next chapter of me?

Am I perhaps meant to be both? Sometimes a turned page is merely the front and back of one turned page.

I’m convinced I’m too young for a midlife crises but perhaps I’m early! If I die before I’m old perhaps I’ll have the luxury to live before I’m dead.

As a guy I knew once said.. “I don’t know what I’m doing and so can you.”

Original clay and mixed digital media art by me: “Blood and Water”.

Categories
depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

Capitalism, Socialism and the Mockery of Currency.

We live in an interesting day and age.

In this current time and in contrast to long ago cynics excoriating each other for their personal ‘utopia’ of choice, ‘dystopia’ seems to fall from the lips enough to be nearly cliche.

In our present age of mass political polarization, paranoia and ignorance of the leprous ‘other’ we have gated our walls and shut our minds.. only venturing out for serious business.

Of course much of this is justified. Stupidity has run amok and no boogeyman doesn’t reside under rocks unturned. We can’t be too careful and thus so we are..to preserve whatever little vestige of stable world-to-self awareness the social zeitgeist challenges in the everyday existences of us all.

Even so.. even so, when some of the worlds richest men during global pandemics fly gleefully to space while many regular folks can’t even make their car payments on time to make it to their self same Amazon jobs it seems to drive home the megalomaniacal nature of late stage economic dystopian billionaires.

Feeling like ants working for the magnifying glass kid all the while hearing the gamut of superiority speeches from one’s own Job’s mourners.

“How dare you question what made you thus as if He made you not?”

All the while we pray on our rosary beads “There is no capital without labor and there be no labor without capital. “

Providing jobs? With income inequality its more like providing “Job’s”.

The common folks arguing all the while about what economic system is superior and doting trifles about backing up currency with gold, or corn or silver all whilst Elon Musk Tweets about the similar worthlessness of crypto to fiat currency.

People across the world striving for an illusion, megalomaniacal billionaires capitalizing off of it and beaurocracies never able to meet a need on time.. all based off of the same illusion.

It is a strange and sinister evil to laugh about an illusory system you capitalize from while the same illusion kills others.

If currency was born after tribal epidemics as a fitting alternative to handshakes perhaps as the pandemic finally fizzles humanity must learn to shake hands once again.

Categories
depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Poetry Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

He who is sad should write.

Edenic unity, prefall nonutopia for falls sooner or later becomes (sigh), ‘a place’

… the shamed disgrace of no face to be saved.. sadly, indeed, is no saved face..

#Dishonor.

Wear a mask they say and the brutes relent.

And yet they won’t look you in the eye.

They don’t look at you not because of masking but because they mask what’s behind the eyes.

The only reason I divert my eyes is because I’m a student of life AND a different sort of guy.

That’s the only reason I can’t see you eye to eye.

Categories
depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

Catharsis.

Le sigh for my se la vie. For my vitality you see I just need to just be.

I often write to get my edge off when nothing else suffices, nothing else cuts it.. nothing else works.

I don’t really understand this world sometimes but knowing it understands me sometimes is a real cure for depression.

Yes I said cure and yes I only said it to spite the backlash of ‘factscism’. Sure it might not be the cure the test tube demonstrated but life doesn’t always happen in a test tube either baby.

Today is me and my wife’s 3rd wedding anniversary. A beautiful day and a cure to my ails all it’s own but even so today had it’s inner challenges for me. My desires to be more, to give more, to provide more, my ‘perfectionisms’ are riding on me and exhausting me.

Business associates not cooperating with me and returning emails so I’m stuck and cannot work because of technical issues. A pine tree fell on a power line down the road from my house so we couldn’t cook at home for our anniversary but had to go to my parents .

…Update: I just returned to this draft half a month later. We survived and had a good dinner. All is well.

Problems really seem more problematic when they’re happening.

Sleep tight San Diego.

Sleep is good.