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depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Poetry Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

I’m not Good at Blogging.

Imagine deep within your soul you want to give gifts to the world..but then life happens and you get tired.

Imagine having the passion of a Content Creator but not knowing how to put your thoughts into words.

What am I protecting? Is this modesty.. its own form of honesty?

In order to be a popular platform poster you need to “post every day” or at least a few times a week.

Ah

That might not work then.

Where is the passion I’m looking for? Where is the spirituality I once had or the zeal for living life as if this life is a rare commodity?

How do I take life for granted so much? How do I lounge in carefree boredom narcolepsy or not? Am I pregaming my midlife crises, getting ready for it, double fisting it?

Seems like a me thing to schedule such a thing rather than to be surprised by it.

Well why on earth am I surprised that there’s no element of surprise when I feel like I already know what the book of my life is about..like God and I deliberated and threw the book at me?

Sometimes I feel like I have some crystal ball or a blueprint to my life in my subconscious mind. I don’t want to see it. I don’t want the left hand to know what the right hand is doing. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of watching my movie from the outside.

Life and the enjoyment of life seems rather to be that the eyes and the ears and the nose would hear, see and smell what is here or at least whatever senses we have available to us. So strange that even Spiritual Doctors have remarked on sense “All knowledge comes through the senses.” Good job St. Thomas Aquinas for being like the Doubting apostle in your search for faith. I feel that heartily.

So there is that darkness in the soul of understanding (nous) to wit my life gives reference that I keep remembering that I don’t know and I do know. Part of me know my spirit though living in my body and not separate has separate agencies, faculties and ‘abilities’. I find it hard to be a gnostic because I’m an earthen vessel and yet though trying not to be “too heavenly minded to be of any earthly good” I find myself trapped between worlds, like a ghost with a preternatural stain on the ink blot tests of the collective unconscious of this age.

In my heart I watch kingdoms rise and fall revolutions turn and the sun set many a year. The ages of time acquiesce to an Apocalyptic dance that never seems to end. All of this is beautiful and is a verdict to my and the worlds mortality. I hope that I can learn lessons of this knowing that “the spirit gives life and the flesh is of no avail.” so that perhaps life can come to my dry bones again.

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depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

I’m late but I’m early.

You never realise how important it is to get where your’e trying to go when the train is gone and yet sometimes that is a false despair.

I listened to a Ted talk once about Procrastination once. It is common that procrastination is for many people a sign of mere laziness or a sign that they are just throwing in the towel. For others like the gentleman in the talk it was a ‘cogitational’ style.

Imagine farmer Brown says to the cow he would like him to help him plow the field and the cow whilst chewing grass said “Let me chew it over!” To which farmer Brown says “I don’t got all day!”

It’s in a nutshell a humorous way to see how the world sees the tortoise vs the haire (or for sake of our example farmer Brown and the cogitating cow). They say “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.” and yet they blithely apply that to their stated cogitational norms as they appear on the outside and rarely apply this to what’s going on upstairs in different cogitational persons.

To be fair I’m not advocating for procrastination per se. I’m just saying in some situations it writes better books.

A wisdom nugget hit my ears one time. I don’t remember if from another author or from my self so anonymously “The rust of time tempers wisdom.” Sometimes the only thing that can stop that writer’s block or finalize that concierto is some good old life experiences. But how else can that crucible be lit that flames the gold of human invention other than the gold of human invention surviving the fires of human experience?

With all your might do your best to focus! Try, try, try but never be ashamed to rely, rely, rely.

Sometimes the old saying “wax on, wax off.” is very pertinent to us humans. We are far too sure we have the tools necessary to neatly categorize and forcibly guarantee that life follows only the path we desire.

For this I think pathological procrastinators should show themselves grace. Perhaps your’e only going to find out how to overcome your procrastination when you find out you need to accept it and for your inner Sherlock to investigate what it is trying to do in you… and around you.

Perhaps you might find the gears have been turning much faster than anyone could imagine but ‘internally’. The grease is good in you but the outer appreciation has little grease. Results do matter..but maybe you visualize better results than others.

To give you peace I have reconstructed the Serenity Prayer for procrastinators.

G-d give me the Serenity to accept the things I haven’t done yet.

Courage and power to do the things I can.

And the wisdom, trusting your timing, to know the difference.

There is something G-d-like about looking at time as something to organize like other things. Time is valuable and in a way ephemeral. Coming, going and overall a participation in a sacred cosmological dance of creation.

Through time we live and move and yet it is a transcendent act not always to try to extrude every amount of oil for the moment for one particular obsession. It’s not because our worldly pursuits are vain of themselves but rather because they are temporary and many of them are farcically positioned on the latter of importance due to skewed value systems.

There is a holy procrastination that treats certain goals like the squirrel treats the acorn. “Save it for another time. “

To learn to do this with grace is a divine way to gain more balance in life.