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depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

Settling into Solitude.

It is easier than people think for you to have an opinion when people are listening; contrary to the modern proverb “You can’t even have an opinion anymore.”

I know this because I wanted to be heard for years.

I had been glossed over. I had been forgotten. I had been passed over.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10154434587539536&id=643959535

For about 5 or so recent years though I was performing live very regular as performing artist/ musician and in what could be considered a pendulum between a new entertainment extroversion to never before experienced levels and on the flip side semi extreme hermitism.

Then in comes the pandemic and I assume the role of a stay at home dad, the multimillion dollar company that used to pump posts about the show I leaded was no longer boosting my content with consistent and gratuitous amounts of ad revenue and that even in cahoots with some of my personal accounts.

The connection of my activity to Facebook translated mysteriously into my person seemingly having value to said algorithm (even if I wasn’t by any means even close to making the type of money the company I worked for was). To all possible intellectualization I could make out however, that the algorithm believed I was famous whether I was much at all. I was noticed somewhat. I was heard. I wasn’t so passed over.

Let me give you one lesson though. Facebook is not censoring you because they do not like you. Facebook just isn’t ‘boosting you’ because you aren’t making them money. At that time I was but now the algorithm believes I am noone, caput, basically a nobody.

This is the sad value testimony of human value in our crapitalist society. Nothing is usually popular in the way it was in ancient Athens.. back when intellectual values, philosophy of ideas and metaphysics were valuable of their own accord and merely for the fact of having mused upon them and nursed them into schools of thought. Now even that value is worthless unless it’s ready to pay the piper. I wonder how much money Facebook wastes not investing in these ideas. But I guess every time a toilet flushes at Walmart a tax deduction angel gets its wings!

So I’m settling in to a more long lasting version of my hermitage but I would be lying if I said that my depression has been totally at bay.

And yet still I’m doing something that some in the medicine/ science only crowd might think muddies the waters into dangerous hippy sentimentalist territory. I’m taking alot of walks in nature, exercising, taking my cbd, eating better, avoiding excessive alcohol or cussing at puppies and of course writing my blog as one part of my weekly healing process.

And you know what .. it helps; because sometimes even after a good helping of protein rich organic peanut butter pancakes.. on a rainy day, when your mind is racing and the sleep disorder demons have clocked out, they need someone to pick up a shift and of course the depression demons are ready and rearing to go. Even so when I write it out it has been transmitted from the realm of thoughts to the realm of words and in my subjective pseudoscientific opinion it seems to help.

I always knew I was an ‘ideas person’. I was always desperate to be stuck in a college academia library studying theology, philosophy, science, physics, social theory (EVERYTHING)!

I have always been mad that whatever secret branch of the government that hires for think tanks hasn’t broke their silence and reached out to me yet. But patience is a virtue after all! Le-sigh.

Re-sign. That’s my miraculous auto predict shake out of writers block! And that’s precisely what I’m getting to now.

The first step to embracing and truly enjoying solitude is getting past the loneliness and just because I’m married doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely when it’s just me and my daughter during the day. Yes.. even with my daughter there I get lonely sometimes and that’s ok even if her just being there really really helps!

You see loneliness is no respecter of persons. And yet perhaps its more helpful and comfortable to be all St. Francis like and call her Sister Loneliness.

Loneliness is like engaging a Jericho wall and sometimes you just got to blast a trumpet in your heart and shake yourself up a little to get past the false barriers it suggests and remember somehow, right now, life is still being lived.

You also must be humble if your’e more the type to be desirous of the hermit lifestyle because whether Pentupium Introvert 5.0 or not you just have to face the music that people aren’t always terrible and in many ways many of them are much better than you… and that’s ok! After all you have your own strengths and weaknesses too!

Most saints probably don’t mantra on that word too much or at the least they think it means something different than most people think it means.

So also a healthy hermit has to be humble and it is as intriguingly intricate as this idiomatic tongue twister.

The healthy hermit is the balance of ones needs and “the Others” needs.. whichever other or Other that may be.

Healthy solitude is a gift for a heart that is healing. It is the opposite of the crusted bitterness of undealt with trauma. The deep irony for he, she or they that seek solitude is this.. one can only seek solitude well as they find a supporting cast.

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{To Blog Or Not To Blog?} that is the question.

I heard it once said that if I am a Christian I ought to be like a lemon and when life truly squeezes me only Jesus should come out.

I guess I’m glad I don’t believe God’s acceptance of me is only relegated to my performance because sometimes I have been a real dunce! Good parents run to their children when they cry and often times it is when a child feels they have sucked the most that they are most in need of their parents encouragement. My relationship with my Father God resonates with that feeling for sure.

Years ago I started blogging before Justin Timberlake stole them (Myspace).

I wrote my way through and out of some of the biggest challenges of my life.

I also began prayer journaling while in massage therapy school sometime back in 2009 and I still believe that that has been a deep place of healing in my personal life that has helped me collect my thoughts and be the most authentic version of me that I believe I truly am.

Blogging is healthy to me and I believe I should do it too because it is much like journaling but shared with you too!

I even believe I could be good at it!

I’m wanting to take this journey and perhaps even make this the beginning of my writing and more active public content generation campaign.

I have always wanted to solely work online and the 2020 pandemic might be making this an official full time reality and even necessity;

I want to invite readers to express their thoughts in the comment section.

Would you like to hear about my crazy life; a life I’ve attempted to live very well?

I have had many crazy adventures and many deep effective spiritual experiences. On “Musings of A Picture Frame Conversationalist” that is what I am planning to cover… everything from life and love, neuro-divergent self advocacy, music and art, mysticism, work from home tips and tricks, links to some of my own online work and artistic projects and of course just good ole fashioned fun!

P.S. I am considering either starting a Patreon or some other means to gauge interest and raise funds to officially start a fully operational fully monetized blog and to help fund ongoing projects so I can share from the depths uninhibited.

If you would like to support my quest to officially become a full fledged blogger / online nerd entrepreneur I am trying to raise around 4 to 500$ to get my first premium year of WordPress payed off and a few other protools expenses to bring new content on a regular basis.

I don’t know why this has taken so long for me to attempt to do but I feel it is worth it. I have decided Pandemic or not that this 2020 I am going to do my best to grow in personal healing and wholeness and to spread the message of my life, what God’s teaching me in it and to share on all the weird stuff I like.

If you wish to support immediately I will be gifting bandcamp album promo codes personally to anyone who gifts 7$ or more to my paypal at shastat78@gmail.com . If you are making a contribution please let me know in the comments below! Let me know what you think!

Thank you…from the “Picture Frame Coversationalist.”

https://jamesbroxson.bandcamp.com/track/filmless-superstar