Categories
depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

MOTIVATION AND TRIALS.

https://www.ebay.com/itm/Buddha-Looks-Upon-The-Bathing-Woman-Original-Black-And-White-Dark-Room-/274762378505?_trksid=p2349624.m46890.l49286

We all have days where we want to give up.

In 2020 those days seem even more prevalent. It’s pretty ironic when you feel so dry you want to throw in the towel and all the while in this desert whetting ones appetite for one’s passions seems like a misnomer..as if doing what you were seemingly created to do is a mistake.

Of course to a mind on the mend such negativity seems pointless; such musings seem fruitless. But hear me out in my musings on executive dysfunction. When you have expended yourself in so many directions and you know you have skills but the outlets haven’t listened.. what IS one to think?

Your’e just a plug and they’re just an outlet and the frustration of what is seemingly made for the other is when ‘it is’ according to external appearances of design but not by internal technicalities or by full undertakings to comprehend such an investments stability.

There are those systems one chooses that seems like a fit and then there is that system that even when seeming on the brink of failure shows it’s strength in the storm.

The system that wins and that appreciates you is by wisdom and apparent providential matchmaking ‘that which is attenuated to you even when it seems about to fail. “

It is a system that sees the you fallen and in vulnerability and realizes in you ‘the you of hidden strength’.

There it holds up the mirror revealing your liberty. Freedom is a hard task to navigate in this world. It is a hard thing to learn to find and yet the wise intuitions upon which freedom is found is easily accessible. It just only can be accessed by the peaceful and calm confidence of ‘the mind of a child. ‘.

Categories
depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Poetry Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

When God Holds Your Hand Badly.

If 2020 (all flowery philosophical and faith based sentimentality put aside)..

was an easy year for you then you might be a masochist or if you were not at all stretched by this year you might just already be perfect.

This is not to say one is a masochist if one has legitimately experienced new life blessings this year (We received our first baby girl into the world this year).

It is also not to say that faith based sentimentality is not often anchored in solid reasoning beyond mere emotion and thus… ‘a wash’.

What it does boil down to is a confession that the ‘perfect man’ sleeps through the storm and the imperfect man cries out in terror “Lord, we perish!”

There is a type of restful contented waiting that weighs heavier than any storm. They say that the “little ones” have the kingdom of God and I believe I have proof. This year I got to witness that contentment and peace first hand or rather ‘hand in hand’.

I named my daughter Eliza to be a female version of Elijah the prophet.

Well in her first year of life not only has she gone through the Coronavirus Pandemic and global economic upheaval but as of recent time, here on the Alabama, Gulf Coast she has gone through hurricane Sally (The most contrivedly and ill undermeasured Cat3 I’ve ever been through in my opinion).

Interestingly enough my wife and mother in law who are both from Venezuela had never been through a hurricane so while we sheltered at my parents home I had plenty of snuggles with my wife that easily matched that of a couple watching a horror film. My wife was a little spooked by the whole ordeal obviously.

Now on the other hand our daughter Eliza was definitely a little preacher by her actions. She like Elijah lived through the whirlwind and like Jesus slept through the storm! Thats right she slept through ALL of the worst hours of the storm where all the damage happened!

I know this amazed my wife but it personally deeply inspired me. Our little prophet weathered and slept through the storm and all throughout this year has never ceased to be the little chonk of joy she was.

So for the title of this blog post I want to explain it a little more because it was another little precious way my daughter deeply inspired me just by being her and that was by one of my favorite little encounters with her.

In the age of smart phones alot of us become dummies from time to time. I think my baby intuitively knows this and she returns my wife and I back to the human. Yes sometimes in the hodrum of everyday life and exhaustion even we can veg out on our phone. My baby on the other hand as a fresh human straight out of the oven won’t have it! If we are on a phone in her presence she will protest..she will return us to the now. The most precious example of that is if I am feeding her with bottle and putting her to sleep. If I have a phone she will get frustrated.

Just like God my baby innocently and purely demands my total attention.

When I feed her it’s all or nothing. It’s daddy and daughter time. It’s ‘contigo’. But the funny thing is though she demands that I look right at her little face and just be present with her she also demands that she can play with my hand while I feed her. She wants to hold my hand but she doesn’t always do so with consistency.

Sometimes she has a death grip and other times I feel like a goldfish is slapping me! But I have learned a very deep 2020 lesson from this encounter of love and relationship with our precious daughter. In these moments of connection and relationship building I have learned something splendidly transcendant!

I have learned that sometimes we might be inclined to impugn guilt on God for seemingly sleeping through our often stormy lives. I have learned it is easy to be jealous of those for whom storms seem to not shake their easy restfulness of spirit but with a shift of perspective one can be inspired by it! I have learned that God demands our attention with crystaline and 2020 vision (hindsight is 2020 and all that..) and I have learned that it is the connection that matters the most and that it is better to hold God’s hand even if like a little child He ‘holds our hand badly.’

(James Dillon Broxson born and raised in Alabama likes dark bold letters because why not? But seriously they really are much better right?! James is a father of one beautiful baby girl named Eliza born in 2020 and married to an amazing lady from Venezuela named Carolina.)

dillon-2

Like what you see!?

I love what I do and I do what I love but for This Picture Frame Conversationalist I’s gotta pay them bills y’all! If you like what you see feel free to give a like and a subscribe but also remember that for 12$ a year ( 1$ a month) you can be enrolled as a premium subscriber and have first access to previews of my content whether comics, art, books music or merch as well as half off any of my releases. For a one time donation I offer a bandcamp music download of my music as a thank you.

1.00 $

Categories
depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Make money Online! Poetry Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living.

On Narcolepsy, Motivation and Global Pandemics.

Photo by Dominika Greguu0161ovu00e1 on Pexels.com

Imagine that you were just getting things settled. You had your challenges and you had your pages well written. You weren’t perfect but life was by no means even close to bad. Things were going pretty well.

Yet somewhere lingering in the back of your mind was your desire to make a career change, to stand up for yourself.

You wondered when might life give you “a break”.

You do things a certain way all the time and the rythm of what you do is rythmic like praying on prayer beads or speaking in tongues. Even the things you loathe that pay the bills are the things that ironically give you time to connect to and to protect that same heart.

Then right when you are gearing towards having your first child with your wife you waited 31 years of your life to find and are beginning to find stablilizing routines, a Global Pandemic strikes.

You aren’t ‘entirely unhealthy’ but youv’e almost died of 2 viruses at once, had spinal meningitis, presently have various stomach and digestive maladies, and have had sinusitus since youth.

Youv’e underwent years of anxiety, depression and OCD. You had the secret wonder that maybe you were on the autistic spectrum for many years.

You recently found out why you were so cripplingly tired all the time and that you have narcolepsy and sleep apnea..with it’s happy symptom of insomnia.. Cherry on top ‘amirite’?

Youv’e been prepared for this test for it was the very first one.

Time to be a man. Time to survive whatever comes. You don’t complain for food shortages at the bum rushed super market…your fight or flight is too strong for that. Neither do you have a reductionistic view of surviving crises periods of history that only thinks about the obvious, trying to save money, trying to make more money.

You realise if push came to shove you can’t eat money.

You buy seeds along with your normal grocery. You save every seed from the refuse. You begin to compost and trial and error on learning to grow from seed.

You don’t think about comfort first. You are essentially reverted to your caveman effigy and your title is if you win war with the Mastodon.

However the Mastodon in this scenario is smaller than the angel dancing on a needle tip.

You wanted to learn coding for years and work from home for years and you also have immunocompromised possibilities, a new baby with similar, or some of the same, narcolepsy in one hand, anxiety coming from too much stimulation in the other leave you to figure out balance along with the false attributions you put on yourself out of false masculinity “You’re not a man if your staying at home with the baby right now!”. “Your were forced to be on unemployment right ..why isn’t that blog thing making money yet?!”

Time takes time from you with dividends. And for whatever you earn off of time the taxman likes to knock on the door.

Yes I don’t want a stranger watching my brand new baby during a global pandemic thank you very much and yes I am going to do everything I can to put life first.

If a rich man with a corporation has a bottom line so do I.

If a poor man can inherit the kingdom of God well so can I.

If the poor are close to God and the Kingdom of God is within the poor in spirit it seems pretty obvious that in the poor exists riches beyond comprehension.. hence the royalty and riches of a “kingdom” of the incomprehensibly glorious “God”.

Life keeps going and I keep on ‘recalcitrantly surviving’ in defiant joyful spite of if some think my life is expendable.

I do not ask them.

If they question me I can submit their questions to THE MANAGEMENT.

I am working on my project and I will succeed. Every once in a blue moon a memorandum should be made.

Every once in a while the Magna Carta written up, the ‘Terms and Conditions’ renewed.

They may change at any time mind you. Its a two way street this communication thing.

I am trying to keep motivated. I am going to make these dreams come true. And really I don’t know how to do any different. The subconscious is sandboxing. The Wiki is leaked. I am not afraid anymore.

I am tired but I have lost my edge. I am tired but I am not tired anymore.

I am growing. I am a warrior. I am motivated.

Like What You See?

I love what I do and I do what I love but for This Picture Frame Conversationalist I's gotta pay them bills y'all! If you like what you see feel free to give a like and a subscribe but also remember that for 12$ a year ( 1$ a month) you can be enrolled as a premium subscriber and have first access to previews of my content whether comics, art, books music or merch as well as half off any of my releases. For a one time donation I offer a bandcamp music download of my music as a thank you.

$1.00

Categories
Cooking and Recipes. Uncategorized

Crook Neck Squash Blossom Fritters! Yum.

In this short video below I show you how I made my Crook Neck Squash Blossom Fritters.

So my wife and mother in law made ham and cheese cachitoes (little bread) from scratch and these can be made to suit whatever dietary preference is preferred.

I didn’t document the directions for those but if enough people ask I surely will pick mi suegra and mi esposa’s brain.

Now in this video I give you the run down on how to make my crook neck squash blossom fritters. Arguably this would work with any squash blossoms and if you are vegan any normal egg subsititute used in baking or frying should do the trick.

For the fritters, putting your blossoms in a bowl add:

One egg or egg substitute for binding.

Himalayan fresh ground sea salt is preferred.

Fresh ground black Peppercorn pepper.

Mozzarella or vegan mozz substitute. (I recommend Daiya)

Gluten free Pillsbury flour or whatever flour you wish. (the gluten free worked perfect for this).

Mix all together.

Put a little of the mozz into the pan saved apart from what was mixed in straight into the bowl. Let that crisp up a little bit. Then add your coated squash blossoms. Let that crisp up as well and then add some more mozz on top.

The goal while tossing in the pan is to make sure the mozz crisps up like a mozzarella pan fried chip.

The textural experience ends up one of lite, fluffy battered squash blossoms with a nice crunch. It’s like a delicate squashy mcnugget! XD

I served mine over a bed of spring mix greens along with wild harvested garden chickweed and some heirloom orange grape tomoatoes from the garden.

Original photo by me James Dillon Broxson. For enquiries message shastat78@gmail.com

Because I love Cholulas it made a perfect dipper for my squash blossoms. Of course I topped it all off with my (saved from lockdown kumquats) Kumquat Honey Greek Yogurt Smoothie. (Will provide recipe if asked.) I’m melting remembering this meal.

So there you have it folks. If you enjoyed this article and after watching the video give me a like and subscribe. I will greatly appreciate it.

Thanks Again for joining me for Cookin With the Captain!

Original video by me James Dillon Broxson. For enquiries message shastat78@gmail.com

Like what you see?

I love what I do and I do what I love but for Cookin with the Captain the Captains still gotta put food on the table. If you like what you see feel free to give a like and a subscribe but also remember that for 12$ a year ( 1$ a month) you can be enrolled as a premium subscriber and have first access to previews of my content whether comics, art, books music or merch as well as half off any of my releases. For a one time donation I offer a bandcamp music download of my music as a thank you.

$1.00

Categories
music Poetry Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

Finding your Supporting Cast.

Around ten years ago or so I was going through my own “Love Supreme” conversion.

I had touched a darkness in my life that I didn’t know I could touch and I contacted a vital life inside of myself that I didn’t know I could contact.

Contrast. Light and Dark. The Logos that fills all things.

And yes I was truly jiving to some Coltrane as was I also giving Christ control again through the subtle and perhaps unwitting spiritual leadership of the mixtapes of my good friend Jonni Greth.

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Having a taste for the Avant Garde, Jonni being raised in a very EVANGELICAL background had embraced Christ deeply but almost seemingly in spite of the spiritual milieu and atmosphere about himself. This I always respected and even if he didn’t know it it often made me receive helpful wisdom from him almost as if he were some closed off Jedi hermit.. Which for a hermitic like soul like mine made for an attractive candidate.

If that had not been enough he also had the gifting to express those life experiences of the ‘solitudinal’ heart through song.

Even hermits extrovert sometimes.

Photo by W W on Pexels.com

Jonni Greth introduced me to Daniel Johnston and copious amounts of outsider art and music, the depth in the like which I was clearly hungry for and yet through all of this our friendship showed me a sense of desire to nurture the artist in me, something I often felt very few people in the world tried to nurture.

But in the years around 2009 existential miracles happened in my life. Some precipitated by a life fallen away from my faith at the time, being caught up with by youthful indecisions and the untimely wreckedness of far too much imbibing (of various substance); the God of my youth began to become something and better yet someone to me again.. the presence of an old long lost friend.

Somewhere between breakups with people I didn’t honestly date but merely had deep emo college infatuations with and the sentiment that some sort of Aspergian colored cloud contrasting between genius possibilities and social catastrophes was my plight, I would finally, somehow, gain a notch in my proverbial life belt.

All of my fellow musician friends knew me as ‘that dude who would probably never get ahead or make anything worthwhile happen with music’ but slowly, somehow, like the slow tick of the oil drip leaving my white Chevrolet Astro van dry, a dry artist through experience and near caveman from primordial goo level emerging, I came seemingly out of nothing into existence for the first time.

“I had a panic attack in psychology class but with the guitar on my back no confidence lacked.” (Excerpt from a song I’m working on.)

But indeed it was true. One day a college infatuation of mine, whom I had been sitting behind in psychology class on the first day of class, having a panic attack when the teacher merely called for me to introduce myself, would be the girl I got the confidence to sing my song I wrote for her in the parking lot there at Pensacola Community College (as they used to call it).

She said “How is it that you have panic attacks to introduce yourself but behind a guitar your so confident?!”

A song Hosea was born. Next was Bay Leaves. Next “crap!”.. one day in my inner battle to remain atheist I had my secular humanism lead me back to Jesus (we’ll save that one for another blog. Hyperlink will be updated!)

Then another day walking through the mall like an anthropologist studying people and buying nothing as I often did, I walked into a Ross Dress for Less and stumbled upon a fortune cookie paper that read as follows…

“You will make a name for yourself in the field of entertainment.”

Things slowly got weird. My car almost broke drown one day on the way to a fund raiser for a Church Hippy Coffee Shop known as the Ole Mug at the Genesis barn in Foley, Alabama but I was all out of money “bless my heart!”

So I stopped by a Tom Thumb right down the road from ‘Flora Bama Bar and Grill’ remembering my guitar in the back of my on-e Chevy Astro Van that was sitting in the seat of my road side salvaged, leather lazy boy for easy back seat sleeping (if I so desired) and with a glint of proverbial providence and road magic went inside and made my pitch to the manager.

I said “sir I am out of gas and I have no money but I have a guitar in the back of my van and I would be more than willing to buy gas if I made some money out on the curb.”

Finding this a different kind of request and looking somewhat amused he accepted my request. I played my heart out in the middle of that summer day and by the end of an hour or so I made 35$! I bought some gas and got at least half a tank and saved the rest for Taco Bell and some as a momento. The fund raiser was over by the time I got to Foley {Isn’t it Ironic}.

The one time event turned into my semi regular gigs on the Gas Station circuit round playing at any gas station or public place I could until one day I thought I might take a chance..again.

I walked into the City Grille in Gulf Shores, Alabama that was newly opened and asked if they ever had live music. They said that they had been looking into doing it but had not booked anyone yet and then asked me if I would like to be one of their first. I WAS IN!

My job was music! One gig turned to 2 turned to I’m playing all week and I was finally good at something..something before that among my friends I was the worst at. Friends had moved away to different parts of the country but even as far as Salt Lake City Utah the word was out that Dillon was writing music and somehow it didn’t suck! What a novel thought!

As time would go by (around 11 years or so now) I have seen my song writers hermit syndrome go way way deep.

That first year and a half or so on the Gulf Coast and I was quickly finding myself drained.

Notwithstanding the facts of my lifelong undiagnosed sleep disorders and other maladies of which I only knew so much.

I was an originals artist in a world ruled by cover singers and it mystified folks how I even got out there as an originals artist ‘gettin gigs’

in the first place.

Though my song writing instincts are deep and most definitely instinctual and though my songwriters hermit syndrome is even deeper I could only say succinctly that I never could have begun getting out there without ‘finding my supporting cast’.

Donation

I have been working really hard to tell stories that stir heart and brain into a frenzy that says...perhaps there is more to all of this!? Here is the grimey fun part! Blogging, writing, music and art are not only my passion but they are also how I am seeking to make my living. Any donation big or small is greatly appreciated. For any one dollar donation I will send you a download code for one of my songs! 12$ donation and up and you qualify for my 1 year premium subscription which includes access to premium content, previews to comics, novels, freebies and more! Any support is greatly appreciated! Thanks!

$1.00

James Dillon broxson is an artist, musician and content creator. He is married to his wonderful wife Carolina originally from Venezuela and has a beautiful baby girl with her named Eliza. For enquiries email shastat78@gmail.com

Categories
Poetry Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living. Uncategorized

The People we Might Be.

 

I find it important to never quit learning. I often like to imagine the future and to imagine becoming proficient in a skill not generally associated with my public persona.

One such imagining is that of becoming a scientist.

I could see myself pouring obsessively, lost musing over medical mysteries and biological quandaries as my mind often obsessively does.

I could see myself as a mathematician pouring over formulae as if they were nature’s immutable song, an indivisible unifier to inherent non-divisible truths.

As a long time musician I have often dreamt of being a classical composer, of sharpening the higher faculties of my mind with the beautiful truth of song, expressing mathematical facts through the medium of tangible felt beauty.

Sometimes I imagine being a lawyer, an advocate, a public defender..knowing the law well so as to subvert it’s misuse by evil people in high places eager to destroy others life for a buck.
I imagine protecting the innocent against those who would use the law against ‘they’ who are innocently unknowing of their schemes and to condemn those falsely accused with unfair and unjust punishments.
I often imagine saving people through diligent study and erudition.

Sometimes I wonder about these things because I am sure that vocation isn’t the full description of who I am and yet I can’t help but think these desires of my soul describe some ineffable inner truth about myself.

What are some things you’ve dreamed about your life?

 

 

 

 

Donation

Any donation one dollar or above and I will send you a music download from my personal website. Music and blogging/ content creation are my passion and I am seeking to be full time at these endeavors! If you like my writing and other content please share or donate today. Any donation of 12$ or more and your automatically enrolled if you wish and with no extra charge into my yearly premium subscription for a dollar a month which will give you immediate access to premium content including but not limited to previews of novel writing projects, comics, new song releases and much more! Premium subscription lasts for 1 calendar year and can be renewed annually.

$1.00

Categories
depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living.

On Hermitage, Connection And Social Responsibility.

It probably wasn’t long ago for many of us that we were “making plans and holding hands.” as the late and great Daniel Johnston once said in one of my favorite songs of his, “I save Cigarette Butts”.

Or as it says in that great literary and spiritual Masterpiece the Bible;

“But as the day of Noah were, so shall also the coming of the son of man be.

For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark,

And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of Man be.” Matt 24:37- 39 KJV

(Yes I’m Catholic but I have my respects for a lil KJV!)

For all practical appearances it would seem that the Son of Man has indeed come and with considerable shaking of things that seem unshakable. This is not to say all natural disasters are directly from God or something as much as that all natural disasters prove we ‘need’ nature’s God. That need is the ‘final judgement’.

Judgement is a trite title to linchpin culture with just as much as it backfires on those who judge it an effective resort for affairs of cultural exchange.

Personally I would know because I am better at judging most people ‘better’ than most people I know.. at least that’s ‘my judgement’ on the matter.

And so I sit here like a hermit on a hill. I always was one even in my most social of times but that should never be confused with malice or hatred of humanity.

Sure, to the man who is confounded and confused by society it also could be possible to become negatively personally affected. It is not because such an one sees nothing in society as much as sees too much promise wasted in society.

The idealist hermit sits on the hill top judging not because he hates but because he knows the art pieces potential and to the degree he judges in purity rather then in strife he gathers a glimmer of truth if only he would judge with a correct, loving and disaffected judgement.

Looking into the fire makes darkness for the eyes. It doesn’t matter if a fire burns bright. It is easier to see when escaping a fire. Its much easier to see a fire once one is away from it.

Hermits get a bad wrap for evading social responsibility and that is not entirely without rationale. Many hermit temperament people ‘do’ hate society and even for those who don’t the temptation lies at hand.

This is not a value judgement for such individuals. Introversion runs too thick to cheapen it with run of the mill stereotypes. Everyone has their cross to bear. Introverts can be good people but not all introverts are hermits. The hermit might seem related to introversion in many respects and that is a perfectly natural conclusion..

Yet a true hermit is not one because of introversion.

A true hermit is one because of people..for people.

Like a man with a mote in ones eye a man with judgments whether good and bad may just be a man with an artists eye.

The judgments hurt the man with an artists eye because an artists eye can also comprehend beauty in the ugliness just as he sees beauty and ugliness in himself. Thus when you judge the speck in spite of the mote you judge yourself in the process. Somehow miraculously even in spite of the sin grace interrupts. Thank God for interruptions!

The hermit is a benevolent soul if he decides to live his call. He is a leader by serving, though perhaps by a false sense of absence in immature consciousness, whether in himself or according to the perceptions of others.

A man who is trained by a more solitary life must not throw in the towel or merely relax or enjoy the affairs of his solitude.

If anyone would wish to be a hermit I guarantee the universe will crowd them with thoughts. Their silence will be interrupted whether internally or externally.

{The only ‘true’ reason that the hermit may be is because he sees something good in you and in me.}

He doesn’t just sit there hating the Who’s.

Donation

Any donation one dollar or above and I will send you a music download from my personal website. Music and blogging/ content creation are my passion and I am seeking to be full time at these endeavors! If you like my writing and other content please share or donate today. Any donation of 12$ or more and your automatically enrolled if you wish and with no extra charge into my yearly premium subscription for a dollar a month which will give you immediate access to premium content including but not limited to previews of novel writing projects, comics, new song releases and much more! Premium subscription lasts for 1 calendar year and can be renewed annually.

$1.00

Categories
depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Poetry Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living.

I’m not my Covid Dreams.

Paranoia, False-Evidence-Appearing-Real.

I’m definitely the hidden lesson good man.

I’m not my Covid Dreams.

Categories
depression, mental health, love, kindness, golden rule, religion Politics, Philosophy, Learning and living.

“I Don’t Really Know What I’m Doing.”… AND SO CAN YOU!

So I think it is advantageous to start my relationship with you the reader to know.. my name.

My name is James Dillon Broxson and I’ve been told that was my signifier all my life.

For some reason I answer to it so I guess it has some sort of relevance to me.

Issues of politics seem to take up everyone’s general everyday discourse these days and I am often just as guilty but many are also guilty of doing nothing to better the situation. They are political in word but not in deed. It is important you know I don’t wish for people to be a-political. I just want them to be political in word and in deed.

From the day I was born I was a protest. I had sleep disorders that made me sleepy when everyone was waky and waky when everyone was sleepy. I wasn’t just beating to my own drum all “Dilly-Nilly” but rather it was foisted on me by that miracle called birth.

I understood things differently, I acted differently I believed differently. I was born my own political party.

I was like a missionary to all but all saw it their mission to be missionaries to me…

but alas I was hard hearted and couldn’t swallow the pill. Perhaps my natural immunities made medicine my mutinies!

It’s hard to swallow a pill when you are born with the natural tendency to believe you are a doctor.

It might take you years to hear the other and selective hearing doesn’t make that much better.

To be normal was oft an envy; though in these years, in my thirties, Iv’e began to ‘trust’ the directions my neuro-divergences often suggest as plans of action. To survive in this world whilst owning childlike naivety and awe is dangerous unless you learn to be strong ‘trusting your guns’.

I decided to start blogging again and this time to try to make a run of it as the beginnings of my online business, as a way for you the reader to follow the trains of thought I’m conducting and perhaps hop on and enjoy the ride and for me to etch out a living doing what I always wanted to do ..being a writer.

My mind is so full that it is exhausting at times but my hidden rigidities of thought are so all encompassing that good habits are hard to inculcate without a sense of deep meaning and ‘ritual’.

I have had a strange gift in my life of full dedication to very particular seemingly minuscule ‘things’ or some pet social goal to help better mankind. The particularity is important as the meaning is necessary and the ritual is soothing.

When Adam and Eve were put in the Garden of Eden the work of tending it was meant to be a pleasure and not a chore.

That is a good exemplification of how my mind works. I have very important work to do but it has to be that work ‘I am meant to do.’

In grade school my teachers would often say to my mother. “If Dillon likes something he will be better at it than anything else. If he doesn’t like it he is going to have many challenges.”

My life I have struggled with focus, with drive, with the exhaustion of years upon years of un-diagnosed sleep disorders as well as various maladies of mental and emotional exhaustion but still I remember being told I was brilliant by teachers in school, winning spelling bees, being very proficient in English and writing as well as regularly confusing adults by how astute, well read and eruditely questioning I was.

High functionality made my liabilities seem faked and that I was playing the victim even if that was furthest from the truth.

High abilities masked my high challenges.

The desire to emulate some of the giftings of the professionally extroverted of the world along with the love for performance, acting and creativity gave a certain degree of childlike normalcy to me whereby I could mask the challenges of me attempting to catch up with the supposed ‘dance of reality’ and the supposed ‘rules of engagement’.

I was an Android Phone in an Iphone world and I did not readily have the software to interpret ‘their’ programs.

A fish out of water.

A star without sky.

Man lone in the woods. That was this guy.

I won’t immediately tell you what this means to me or what I think it means but I will use it as an opportunity to encourage.

I still don’t really know what I am doing.

Even my faith doesn’t necessarily change that… and I think thats ok!

I still don’t really know what I’m doing… I’m learning everyday.

I still don’t really know what I’m trying to do… but I’m still trying to too!

I still don’t really know what I’m doing… and so can you!

Categories
Uncategorized

{To Blog Or Not To Blog?} that is the question.

I heard it once said that if I am a Christian I ought to be like a lemon and when life truly squeezes me only Jesus should come out.

I guess I’m glad I don’t believe God’s acceptance of me is only relegated to my performance because sometimes I have been a real dunce! Good parents run to their children when they cry and often times it is when a child feels they have sucked the most that they are most in need of their parents encouragement. My relationship with my Father God resonates with that feeling for sure.

Years ago I started blogging before Justin Timberlake stole them (Myspace).

I wrote my way through and out of some of the biggest challenges of my life.

I also began prayer journaling while in massage therapy school sometime back in 2009 and I still believe that that has been a deep place of healing in my personal life that has helped me collect my thoughts and be the most authentic version of me that I believe I truly am.

Blogging is healthy to me and I believe I should do it too because it is much like journaling but shared with you too!

I even believe I could be good at it!

I’m wanting to take this journey and perhaps even make this the beginning of my writing and more active public content generation campaign.

I have always wanted to solely work online and the 2020 pandemic might be making this an official full time reality and even necessity;

I want to invite readers to express their thoughts in the comment section.

Would you like to hear about my crazy life; a life I’ve attempted to live very well?

I have had many crazy adventures and many deep effective spiritual experiences. On “Musings of A Picture Frame Conversationalist” that is what I am planning to cover… everything from life and love, neuro-divergent self advocacy, music and art, mysticism, work from home tips and tricks, links to some of my own online work and artistic projects and of course just good ole fashioned fun!

P.S. I am considering either starting a Patreon or some other means to gauge interest and raise funds to officially start a fully operational fully monetized blog and to help fund ongoing projects so I can share from the depths uninhibited.

If you would like to support my quest to officially become a full fledged blogger / online nerd entrepreneur I am trying to raise around 4 to 500$ to get my first premium year of WordPress payed off and a few other protools expenses to bring new content on a regular basis.

I don’t know why this has taken so long for me to attempt to do but I feel it is worth it. I have decided Pandemic or not that this 2020 I am going to do my best to grow in personal healing and wholeness and to spread the message of my life, what God’s teaching me in it and to share on all the weird stuff I like.

If you wish to support immediately I will be gifting bandcamp album promo codes personally to anyone who gifts 7$ or more to my paypal at shastat78@gmail.com . If you are making a contribution please let me know in the comments below! Let me know what you think!

Thank you…from the “Picture Frame Coversationalist.”

https://jamesbroxson.bandcamp.com/track/filmless-superstar